HPC Donation

4.18.2020

I haven’t mentioned this to many people because, well, honestly… I just wasn’t sure it was going to happen. Tomorrow, Tyler and I are flying to Boise, Idaho so that I can donate stem cells (and possibly bone marrow) for a leukemia patient. And yes, it’s the craziest time in the world for all of this to be happening, but it’s still happening.

The story of how I got involved isn’t grand or impressive. Yes, my life has been touched by cancer and I’ve lost a lot of people, but how I got to this point was that I stopped at a kiosk one day a dozen years ago while I was attending UC Berkeley and they had me give them a cheek swab’s worth of DNA and about a month and a half ago I got a phone call… And, given the uncertainty and times, I really didn’t think I’d be packing a suitcase, but that’s what I’m going to be doing tonight.

4.22.2020

Hi there. In response to the beautiful messages of encouragement and support that I’ve received from everyone, I am grateful… and…

I am not an angel. Just ask either of my two ex-husbands. No, but seriously. I’m not an angel. And I’m not selfless either. I wish I could claim such a mantle, but it doesn’t fit. I donated BECAUSE it fit with my identity, not in spite of it. It fit how I want to model community and participation and volunteerism for my sons and it gave me more validation than I could have asked for personally.

And, at the same time, it’s been a strange experience, getting SO MUCH validation for one of the least active, least challenging days that I have had in the past year or more.

And if there are celestial beings among us, they might be those who have spent their lives in this work, rather than the days and hours that I have, it might be the teachers who have dedicated their lives to enriching our children’s lives, instead of the limited days that I’ve struggled to engage them, they might be the doctors and bio-engineers and scientists who developed the techniques or equipment or the early volunteers who risked so much more with uncertain odds – to push the science forward to the point where I could proceed today with the confidence of scientifically-deduced statistics.

And how it all comes out in the wash is far from clear to me. I took two airplane flights there and back, I ate out of more styrofoam containers than I’ve had contact with in years, I traveled at a time when the conscientious decision for most of us is to not. Even in this one instance, in the balance of these past few days, the conservation angel on my shoulder tisks at some of the actions taken for a greater good.

I’m no angel. I’m a very human, human being making choices and trying to make good ones – most of the time. And I only succeed in making good ones a fraction of the time… (Posting this to douse water on the kindness of my friends being a prime example of a potentially poor choice.) I’m grateful, very grateful for you. Don’t get me wrong. But I have to push back because while being good hasn’t been my strong suit, being honest tends to be…

Wishing you dear ones well.